Seriously, Just Seriously Already
by ELEV8
Summary: Hey, Im Sirius! - Batty can't ever chillaxe! - Welcome to the Loony Bin Friends. Not to be taken to seriously - !beyondgodly Naruto - !NarutoxKushina - Not family sorta - No idea if it counts with what I did...


**!Crack Fic !BeyondGodly Naruto - Don't Like Don't Read**

 **This was written for the laughs, so not to be taken entirely serious, but still sorta realistic, just not in power...**

* * *

Naruto was confused on where he was, for all he remembered was going after Madara, Obito, and Sasuke; But all he got was blanks in his mind. Looking around he just saw an empty landscape, that probably went on forever, while there seemed to be no sky, sun, trees, or real land, just blank whiteness. He seemed to have gone into just meditating believing something would come with patience, and he was right.

Appearing in front of the blonde, a man seemed to be taken back by the peaceful look on the man's face, for no one was ever that peaceful in death at the beginning. Naruto opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a man, who had pitch black hair the color of a raven, onyx orbs that bored into one's soul, and features of a royal.

Naruto did what he did best in situations like this, he raised his hand in a two finger wave and curved his eyes into an eye-smile.

"Yo!" The man just seemed to sweatdrop at the blonde's antics, and seemed to straighten out his back and coughed into his hand to clear his throat.

"Hello, Naruto Uzumaki, Child of Prophecy, Sage of Mount Myōboku, Defeater of Pein, Hero of Konoha, and Savior to the Shinobi world, Jinchuuriki of Shinju no Juubi, and Betrayed Hero of the Lands." Getting Naruto to nod while he still looked at the man, waiting for him to continue. "I am the Shinigami, reaper of souls, and your grandfather." He stated, making the blonde go wide eyed at the last part.

He didn't understand how it was possible or more what the significance of it can mean, all he now knew was he was related to the reaper of all souls, the head honcho of those dead.

One word came out of his mouth

"How?" The betrayed one asked, with a tilted head.

"Kami and myself, took a trip to the human world in mortal form to have a vacation, and both of us ended up as Uzumaki, which we than had your mother Kushina, but in mortal form, but our lands were betrayed, and our daughter was taken to Konoha where they manipulated her life and was used to produce a strong shinobi heir, where they ended up sealing the Kyuubi into you after killing Kushina." The man stated as he seemed pained about what his daughter was put through, while Naruto frowned already piecing together the rest.

"So, how do i play a role in this, besides being the child conceived?" He asked again, making the man sit down in front of him.

"They not only conceived you, but they planned out your life," He paused when he saw Naruto about to argue, who silenced upon his gaze. "The Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, Announced your status, even when traditionally it should have never been announced unless to people you deemed necessary. He went against it and announced to the village mere hours after the attack without giving no example, nothing, but saying how the mighty beast was sealed into a mere baby, nothing about your parents, nothing about how you were the Prison and not the jailer." The man stopped to see the wide-eyed blonde with some tears being shed, but continued on

"They had them beat you while, you relied on the Hokage to save you, creating a sense of loyalty to the village, but enough of that my daughter and you are now in our true home, where we have our powers and if anything is going to happen, you and her are going to end up as a god and since your mother was mortal she wont be your mother, since you get your own DNA when you become a god, so she is waiting for you, but she will not exactly be your 'mother', more of the term _lover_." he said surprising the man.

"What do you mean lover?" he asked getting the man to sigh.

"Your mother became a goddess under Kami, you shall become a god under me, and since you get your own unique DNA, and since you two are the newest gods, you will need to _mate_ , or more specifically release the urges being a god will give you. Trust me when I say she is extremely happy about this, cause it was her choice since she watched over you your whole life ." he finished, making the blonde nod slowly this time. Grabbing the man on the shoulder they both teleported out, and into the chamber where Kami was reading while, Kushina seemed to have noticed who joined them and glomped poor Naruto.

He was being suffocated to death by a pair of C cup breasts, while he hugged her back even if he was being suffocated. She moved back and started peppering him with kisses all over his face and mouth, making him shocked that she so blatantly had expressed affection like this, to him of all people as well, thinking she would be against it.

"Oh, Naru-kun, how I have been waiting for you for so long~" she purred as she rubbed her body against his, making him blush and stutter incoherently. She backed up and looked him over, and seemed to be undressing him with her eyes and nodding once. "Well let's get on with this Tou-chan, i can't wait to see what he gets!" she exclaimed with a fist bump, as they dragged him to a doubled doored room, as kami followed slowly behind. They pushed open the magnificent white carved doors open and into a room where voices could be heard conversing, but stopped upon hearing the doors open. there were four occupied seats, with four being empty, which were filled when Kushina, Kami, and Shinigami went to their seats.

A woman of divine beauty stepped forth, she had hair that shined like the moon, majestic eyes that radiated with a light and wisdom known to few, while her body was enthralling to look at if one enjoyed the female flesh. She came before him, and lowered herself to her knees and bowed deeply.

"Gomennasai," She said with a sob, "I will not make an excuse, I was swamped the day I had to plan your life, and handed it to three of my sisters children who, are the Fates, and they planned your life and once it was done there was no changing it for it was one of the only rules of the gods, so i will not ask for your forgiveness for i know that i should not have it for what you have suffered your entire life... Gomennasai," She stayed that way waiting for him to respond. He looked around to see a shocked face on every single person and seemed to think this wasn't planned at all. Getting on his knees he lifted her up and hugged her.

"If you are who i think you are," he paused when she nodded. "But I will not let family punish themselves for what is in the past, for I persevered it and am stronger for it, for it made me humble beyond my words could explain. I may have been lonely, loveless, and hated, but i proved them wrong, i proved they were the true monsters, and once word spreads of my death, Konoha will just be a shadow of its former self." He stated with a slight smirk, but he saw the tears and wiped them away.

She got up and returned to her place and seemed to shine a little brighter, before she cleared her throat and straightened out her clothes, before talking.

"I am Kami, and you Naruto Uzumaki, are here before the Godly Council, to receive rewards for your life, and gifts from myself and these deities among us." Kami looked at him to see he looked quite shocked, and she seemed pleased with herself on that. "For the first reward is actually coming either way since you are one of our second ever descendant, our first being our child Kushina; You will be granted godhood, all DNA not your own or godly will be erased and you will have your own complete DNA, which brings us two are second reward, which is more of Kushina's since she wants to be with you since she has watched over you and comforted you in your dreams which you will not remember until the seals on your body are destroyed." She paused when he seemed to want to speak, and acknowledged him to.

"Kami-sama, you say seals are on me, and that I was being granted godhood, while my mother is basically offering herself to me," she nodded and he seemed to start to hyperventilate."This is a nightmare, just a nightmare." he repeated before Kushina came before and slapped him, making him get his wits back while she held him.

"Just keep listening, koi." she said as Kami kept going.

"As I was saying, Kushina was the one to comfort you, but once you told the Hokage he sealed away your memories." Kami paused before smiling. "As for the first real reward, is coming from my husband who rules over soul society as the soul king, and is known in the magical world as Merlin and Salazar, who basically started both sides to magic." She paused and stepped back, as the Shinigami stepped forward.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I as the ruler of my two lands, grant thee, access and knowledge to these lands; As lord of these great lands, I Sephtis, forevermore grant upon the power of Magic and Reiryoku." He announced as power shot into him making him stumble, but was held tight by Kushina... and it wasn't over as one by one they stepped forth granting him a gift each.

"I, Chiruka, Yami Goddess of the Underworld, Fallen Angels, Devils and Demons, Bestow upon thee access to my great lands, the power of Sparda and his sword Yamato, And the knowledge and power of everything, of Azazel and the Devil King himself, Lucifer." As black and red power surged into him, his mind slowly started changing little by little.

"I, Broly, Susano'o God of Sea and Storms, bestow upon thee the five greatest Devil fruits on my land, Yami Yami no Mi, Gura Gura no Mi, Pika Pika no Mi, Goro Goro no Mi, and Gomu Gomu no Mi." A golden apple floated in front of him and he was gestured to eat it, and with a few bites it was gone making him almost sob in pain, at his body fighting itself from the inside out, before stopping and feeling as if he was a light or shadow at how weightless he felt.

"I, Kasumi, Amaterasu Goddess of Sun and Universe, bestow upon thee, the power of the Force to use to your hearts content while never being swayed by it, the power to use the Flames of Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi without limit either, and the power of Mokuton." Silver and brown colored energy came towards him and it took him to his knees this time, but Kushina was still there holding onto him.

"I, Indra, Inzangi God of All living and organic beings, bestow upon thee access to my worlds, Alex Mercer's Knowledge along with the Blacklight Virus, the power to bend the elements to your will like the Avatar, and the power to sense any intent or emotion from any living or organic being." This power made his entire body feel like it was being incinerated to ash before settling into a dull ache.

Last, but not least, Kami stepped forward.

"I, Cammy, Kami Goddess or Life, Creation, and Destruction, bestow upon thee, The Creation of All things, The powers of Alucard and his soul while being able to manipulate, absorb and assimilate souls, Ki and the power and knowledge of the Legendary Super Saiyan Broly, along with the greatest gift to ever be bestowed by myself, the power to manipulate time itself!" she exclaimed the last part making the entire room speechless at this, but Naruto got out of it first by dropping like a sac of potatoes and twitching erratically when the power surged into him changing his hair to a crimson red, he grew to a height of 6'5, his whiskers darkened, and his canine teeth elongated to the point the tips of the now fangs, peeked from his lips.

Kushina sat next to his unconscious form, stroking his hair, just imagining just how powerful he would become, and wondering what he will be the god of. Kushina picked him up and teleported them into her temple and place him into the bed after stripping him down to his boxers which had mini chibi foxes on them making her giggle a little, while she stripped down to her undergarments and got in the bed and snuggled up close to him.

"Don't worry koi, you will be loved..." she whispered before she planted a featherlight kiss on his forehead, making him smile hand wrap his arms around her, as she joined him in the realm of dreams.

* * *

Naruto woke up in a comfortable bed, which was a first really since he never had a bed this luxurious feeling, along with feeling serene and at peace with whoever was next to him, cuddling him like a pillow or teddy bear. He looked down to see an angel with crimson red hair that was sprawled across his chest, an angelic smile of tranquility, while her milky white skin looked soft enough to caress endlessly. She was in her undergarments, which were, his favorite color, orange, with black lace, while her D-cup breasts were pushed against his body making his morning problem throb painfully. He laid there for an hour before he felt the tell tale signs of her waking up and looked down to see her eyes fluttering open, while a cute small yawn escaped her perfect plump lips. Her entrancing violet eyes looked up towards him, and her entire being lit with endless joy at him actually being in her bed.

"You're actually here, this isn't a dream anymore." she whispered breathlessly, before she straddled him and started to passionately make out with him, while grinding her nether region on his groin. He wrapped his hands around her firm childbearing hips, and stopped her for a second, thinking this was a trick, because no one has ever truly loved him, or wished for him to be beside them. She seemed to pick up on those thoughts and put her delicate hand on his check and caressed his whisker marks, getting a deep purr from him.

"Naruto, I know it may seem like a dream, I know it may seem highly impossible, but for you in never was, for this was awaiting since the very beginning we found out what the fates did to you, so don't doubt the love i am giving you, and never doubt that you are unloved because I truly love you, my maelstrom." She said fiercely and passionately, and he couldn't stop himself, and started the heated make out they had stopped. The passion from her words, had him hooked onto her, especially when he saw a glint of obsessive adoration, which turned him on, thinking of her in the submissive positions she probably craved he would put her in.

She watched his blue eyes darken and become slits as he started giving into his lust, and she felt the raw power and dominance he was commanding over her she whispered sultrily in his ear.

"Master~, are you going to dominate your mate?~" he squeezed her hips slightly, but he restrained from out right fucking her into a coma, which she pouted at, from hearing it over their mental connection. "Mou, don't be rude, I would like that very much, Master~" and that's what broke his control and he started ravaging her, as she let out excited giggles and moans

* * *

 **Kami's Court**

* * *

Kushina and Naruto arrived after a few hours, making the gods and goddesses wait, making some a little irritated, while the women knew what happened and wished Kushina and Naruto a happy future, while some of the men knew and had knowing grins on their faces as the couple walked in with Kushina trying her hardest to make the limp unnoticeable, but was again spotted by her mother and her aunt, who smirked at her, making her blush the color of her hair, which got worse, when Naruto commented.

"Man you sure look adorably cute when you blush Benihime-chan." which earned him a swat on his arm. Kami cleared her throat and Kushina made her way to her seat, while Naruto bowed on one knee like a knight to his queen or king.

"My majesty." he acknowledged with a bowed head, waiting for her response, but got none for a couple minutes and looked up and saw tears running down her face.

"Why... why, acknowledge me with such respect?" Kami asked, before he stated firmly once more.

"I have told you I hold no ill will against you, if anything my anger is with the Fates, and I have already made it my mission to punish them once I am entered into godhood." he finished with the classic villain smirk, making every look around to see who didn't take out the evil part of their gift, and their eyes landed on Yami, who was looking at the ground with her eyes closed, a blissful expression, a full body blush and was rubbing her thighs together at seeing that smirk. Everyone was wide eyed at what they were seeing, from one of the most composed goddess, just next to Amaterasu.

Kushina said something's over the mental connection they shared which made him have a full body blush, as well as his junior waking up from some images she sent as well, which were very, very detailed. Kami cleared her throat to get her attention making her snap her eyes open and blush harder at everyone seeing her like that. Kami got everyone's attention once more and her eyes were sharpened when she summoned a white staff made out of holy energy and banged it five times making the room shine brightly for a minute before it settled and showed more beings, he believed were other gods and goddesses.

Kami banged her staff once more, before it dissipated into thin air.\

"I have called you here to witness the birth of another god amongst us, but he is not any god, this is Uzumaki Naruto," she paused when whispers started up, but died down after a few minutes, "As many of you know, from having watched his life at some point, we are gathered here today to watch the ascension of man to god, and his powers will be determined by the power older than us all, the power that binds all living things in the galaxies... The Force." Which got many gasps, since Kami or Izanagi, normally determined what powers the new gods had.

"Step forth, young one." Izanagi spoke in a calming, deep, voice as Naruto took one large stride to the center.

He was lifted into the air, power and winds whipped around wildly as he floated there before his back arched, as a wisps of smoke came out his mouth.

An ancient voice boomed thunderously off the walls.

"From this day forth, You shall be Naruto Grimcrest, Primordial of The Force, Illusions, Nature, Multiverse, Peace and Chaos, Bijuu, and the Primordial of Time; Forevermore rebirth this soul from the ashes and be born anew from Naruto Uzumaki, The Betrayed Hero, To Lord Naruto Grimcrest, Agent of Chaos." His body was engulfed in silver flames, the made many close their eyes in sheer brightness and when they opened them, most if not all the females, were blushing from how handsome the man floating was.

His Body reformed and he was standing at 6'5, his clothes were straining and looking like they wanted to burst, and when he opened his eyes, they showed molten gold orbs, while his hair seemed to slick backwards, with a single strand coming down between his eyes, while his facial features seemed to be enhanced for a sign of royalty. He was lowered to the ground and was rotating his limbs, hearing the dull pops and cracks coming for them. He looked around and smirked slightly, before gracefully making his way next to Kushina's seat and took the back of her hand and kissed it.

"Mon cher, I would gladly stay beside you for eternity, as long as you come along for my adventures." Naruto told her charmingly, making many women sigh in jealousy, while she blushed and meekly nodded, not expecting him to be, so, so, perfect. He took his seat next to her and everyone was still in shock, from the domains he has and also the man he just became.

As the council kept going, he tuned out them while, starting to figure out a plan, before going on his adventures, before making the first thing on his list to visit his father, the Shinigami, since his and Kami's are the only other in him.

* * *

 **Soul Kingdom**

* * *

Walking leisurely around the Soul Kingdom, he looked at all the ancient paintings and artifacts that must have been collected over his millennia of being alive. He came stopped in front of pitch black double doors, and knocked thrice.

"Enter" Yelled out a voice from inside, which appeared to show Sephtis working behind a desk filling out piles of paperwork, getting Naruto to snort in amusement at what the Shinigami was reduced to doing. Bowing on one knee, he spoke up towards the man he considered a his new father.

"Father, if I may ask, could we do a contract for souls in exchange, to help me with my training, and to keep some I seem to catch my eye, for I will go to your worlds and offer my help in any of them, all my power and knowledge at your disposal, as long as you keep your end of the contract.

Shinigami was amused, but turned serious...

* * *

 **End Now I don't know what Universe to put him in first, but I guess it will be DC or Harry Potter either one, or both at the same time :D.**


End file.
